Monday, November 30, 2009

Documentation

Let it be known:

Corey, my boyfriend with a memory that functions far better than my own, has this day at this hour forgotten something that I did not.

Thank you. That is all.

Is it already that time of year?

Ok, so I have a confession to make.

I hate Christmas music.

Yes, you can play it for Christmas Day, maybe even the week of Christmas, but an entire month before?? Spare me. Please.

That is all.

Merry Christmas. XP

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Wanted by Rachel Diggs

You don’t think you’re special
You don’t think you’re strong
But when the sky is falling
You feel like you belong

It might not be obvious
But you’re not alone
We’re going to let you wander
But never on your own

And I don’t know if I can help you
You could tell me all you need
Its all right, You’re wanted
Tonight it’s alright
You’re wanted

And your expectations
Are killing you slow
You’re getting what you wanted
But pain is all you know

You’ve got a new life now
There’s much that you see
But those that really know you
Are few and far between

And I don’t know if they will help you
Do you tell them all you need?
Its all right you’re wanted
Tonight it’s alright
You’re wanted

And you couldn’t be more wrong
When you say it won’t be long
Til the stars are gone
And you, you’ve got to see
When you bleed you’re never free
‘cause life’s not that easy.

But tonight its alright
You’re wanted
Tonight it’s alright
You’re wanted
Tonight it’s alright
You’re wanted

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Me 101

First thing to know about me: I'm stubborn.

I'm also secretly approaching agnosticism, if I haven't gotten there already. And I don't want to change that, not right now at least.

Wow, this is the first time I've been able to really talk about this openly. My parents are both die-hard Baptist Christians, my siblings too, and I go to a Baptist church filled almost entirely with sickeningly fake Christians, the kind that cause non-Christians to hate God and the church before they even get a chance to experience it.

And that's not even considering those who've been in the church all their life, like myself. Though, to be truthful, they're not the ones who started this for me. God did this Himself, in my case.

I lost 2 of my best friends within a month or two of each other, both of them ditching me one way or another. It was a very very low and dark time for me, to say the least. It didn't help that this was the time God decided to stab me in the back. I was looking for comfort, for love, for someone to care about me, and He gave me the last verses I ever read. Psalms 88, for the curious ones. Yes, I've opened the Bible since then and read the words on the pages, but they've meant nothing to me since then. God has meant nothing to me since then. I haven't prayed, I prefer to sleep through church when possible. I would skip church entirely, but my good Christian parents would have a fit if I did that. I have no excuse good enough to get out of it either. So I'm stuck in a church that I hate with a God that I dislike.

I do not want to be dissuaded from this, in case you were wondering. Like I said, I'm stubborn, and this is the path I've chosen, for now at least.

This is one of the big parts of my life right now. It feels so good to finally write it all out.

Until next time.