Writing Update - #2

My apologies, folks.  Writing has been put on a bit of a hold for the time being.  Life's gotten kind of crazy over here, what with us cleaning and packing, getting ready to move.  Plus, we had a minor little emergency with my son -- it turned out to not be an emergency after all, so don't panic -- and that put me off of writing for the day.  I do fully intend to get back to writing very soon here, but it might be another week or so until I'm able to get back to it.  I'll try to keep everyone updated!

Thanks for all of your support!

Writing Update - #1

I'm absolutely falling in love with writing. I started out thinking I was just writing a short story, 5-30 pages, but now I'm too wrapped up in the story! It's going to end up turning into a novel, I'm pretty sure.

I regularly struggle with depression. It's a battle I fight every day. I'm taking medication for it, but that doesn't help 100% of the time. I still have breakthrough moments of darkness. But what I've found is that writing helps me combat the darkness. So don't expect me to stop anytime soon! Now that I've started, you can't make me stop!

Writing Update - Introduction

Well, as you can see in my "About Me", I want to be a writer.  First step: Write. And then write some more. Check out my other blog to see some of my work!  I don't have much up there yet, but I'm working on it.

Right now, the only piece I have up there is a little heart-felt explanation on how I feel about my son.  I think I did pretty well on it, but you be the judge.  It was really a little piece designed just to get my literary feet wet again, to get comfortable behind a keyboard again -- it's not what I really want to be writing.

So what do I want to be writing?  I'm not 100% sure yet, but I think I'd like to write romance novels.  I'll start with short stories (5-30 pages), and work my way up.  What I'm thinking right now is to write a short romance story in "episodes" on my other blog, and then when I'm done I'll combine it all into one story with corrections and adjustments taken into consideration.  That way, you (my audience) can stay updated on my work, while I can wrap things up with a decent short story in the end.  Sound fair?  Otherwise, you'd be waiting a LONG time between posts.

But, I haven't made up my mind yet.  I'm still tossing around ideas on WHAT to write, before I decide HOW to write.  More updates as they come.  Please talk to me about your thoughts, ideas, questions, anything!  I want to be able to connect to my readers!

"En paz" ("At Peace") by Amado Nervo (Translation provided)

Muy cerca de mi ocaso, yo te bendigo, Vida
porque nunca me diste ni esperanza fallida
ni trabajos injustos, ni pena inmerecida;
     porque veo al final de mi rudo camino
que yo fui el arquitecto de mi propio destino;
que si extraje las mieles o la hiel de las cosas,
fue porque en ellas puse hiel o mieles sabrosas;
cuando planté rosales, coseché siempre rosas.
     ... Cierto, a mis lozanías va a seguir el invierno:
¡mas tú no me dijiste que mayo fuese eterno!
hallé sin duda largas las noches de mis penas;
mas no me prometiste tú sólo noches buenas;
y en cambio tuve algunas santamente serenas...
     Amé, fui amado, el sol acarició mi faz.
     ¡Vida, nada me debes!  ¡Vida, estamos en paz!

Very close to my setting sun, I bless you, Life
because you never gave me unfulfilled hope,
nor unjustified work, nor undeserved sorrow;
     because I see at the end of my rough way
that I was the architect of my own destiny;
that if I extracted the honey or the bile of things,
it was because I put bile or sweet honey into them;
when I planted rosebushes, I always harvested roses.
     ... True, the winter is going to follow my youth:
but you never told me May was eternal!
without a doubt I found the nights of my sorrows long;
but you never promised me only good nights;
and on the other hand I had some saintly calm...
     I loved, I was loved, the sun caressed my face.
     Life, you owe me nothing!  Life, we are at peace!

Me 301

Why hello there!  You've missed a lot.  I'm sorry, that's my fault.  Let me fill you in - bullet-point style first, and then I'll elaborate.  (That way, if you don't like reading or just don't like my blogs, you can get the point quick without having to get too much into it :P haha)

1. I'm Catholic (sort of...).
2. I'm single.
3. I'm nervous/excited about college.

And that just about covers the bullet-points of my life as of late.  Now to elaborate:

1.       Last you heard from me in regards to religion, I was agnostic, hurting, and confused.  I felt like God had abandoned me and my life was heading down the toilet.  Because of this idea, I did some terrible things that now I really regret and from these things I will probably carry the scars for the rest of my life.

Well, late in  the night of Saturday, February 27th, 2010, I prayed the rosary for the first time.  I wasn't sure what to expect, to be honest.  My best friend, Emily, is Catholic and she and I had been talking for many many many months before hand, pretty much ever since we became friends in late October of last year.  So I knew a little bit about catholicism, but I didn't know what it would be like for me.  I wasn't sure what praying a rosary was like.  So, I did my research, figured out exactly how you pray the thing, and I sat down in my closet with a little light and I prayed.

Wow.  Just... Wow.

Something that I had read in my research on how to pray the rosary was that, for first-timers and for returners, you should ask for something.  Huge.  Like a miracle, or the conversion of a friend, or the healing of someone you know, like with cancer or something.  My research told me that Mother Mary would use this to show that she hears us and cares and wants to prove it, that she's not afraid of a little showdown with us and that God listens to her.  So, I asked to know God's love for me, and to know it soon.  I was tired of feeling unloved and alone, and I just wanted to know that God didn't hate me, didn't forsake me, and I wanted to know if He could love me at all.

I didn't even finish praying the rosary before my prayer was answered.  His Love was right there in that closet with me, in such a real form you could almost reach out and touch it.  I was filled with it, overflowing with it, drowning in it.  I couldn't stop crying - not from sadness, but from relief.  Like a forsaken child being held for the first time in its mother's loving, caring arms.  Mary was holding me that night.  Smoothing my hair, telling me it would all be okay and that she and God and everyone else, they all loved me very much.  That I wasn't alone and would never be alone.  Even now, remembering that night, I start tearing up.  It was so breathtakingly, incredibly, unbelievably beautiful.

After that, I made up my mind.  I was going to be Catholic, even if I died trying.  I've never felt this close to God in my entire life, and if I can now find Him in the Catholic church...?  Full speed ahead, I say!

2.     I told Corey and my parents about my desire to become Catholic about a week after that experience, and it's been one hell of a journey since then.

Corey had told me from the beginning that he didn't approve of the Catholic beliefs.  He didn't hate the Catholics, but he didn't agree with them - strongly disagreed with them, in fact.  So when I told him what had happened and that I wanted to become Catholic, our relationship started to die, day by day.  I had been expecting him to be happy for me, because I've been the happiest I've ever been in my entire life since that moment in the closet.  But he was the furthest thing from happy.  He worried about me, said I was chasing recklessly after an obsession, that I didn't love him anymore.  It got so bad that we were hardly able to talk at all, and whenever we did talk, I had to smother everything that was even remotely Catholic in an effort to keep from upsetting him.  Often, I ended up upsetting him anyway.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010, I'd had enough.  We had hardly spoken for more than a month (we had been grounded up until February 14), and things were excruciating between us, they were so filled with tension.  We fought nearly every night.  So I told him that God was first in my life, and that if he couldn't accept not being my #1, then we were done.  We broke up that night, and haven't really spoken since.  I would be lying if I said that I'm doing great - it's been really hard, not having him.  But at the same time, I know I did the right thing.  That, and I still have my God who loves me.  I can and will cling to Him even when the rest of my world crashes and burns.  That's what keeps me going, day after day.

Over Spring Break (March 14-20), I decided that I wasn't going to look for another guy.  Not that I don't want another guy, I just don't want to be the one to go out and go man-hunting.  I'm done with that.  If God wants me to date another guy, it'll be my husband, and it'll be clear.  Until then, I'm done.  Either God will introduce me to my husband, or He's got it in His plan for me to stay single and true to Him.  Either way, I'll be happy because I'll be following His plan for me.

3.      Ever since breaking up with Corey, I lost nearly all of my friends (everyone but my biffle, Emily Edmondson) when I switched churches with my family.  I have a hard time making friends, and the fact that I'll be leaving this fall and heading 9-10 hours up North for college isn't helping.  I keep getting this sort of doomsday feeling whenever I try and make friends at my new church, since I know that these friendships won't last.  I'll know these people for about 6 months, and then I'm leaving.  I fail to see the point of making friends if I'll be leaving them so soon.

This, my lack of knack for making friends, is also the main reason why I'm nervous for university.  It's like I'll be plucked out of my home, from my family and friends, and dropped off in a completely strange and alien place.  I won't know my surroundings at all: not the town, the people, the campus, none of it.  I will be starting over completely, and I'm scared that I won't be able to.  That I won't make any friends, and that I'll be completely alone so far from home.  This terrifies me, absolutely petrifies me.

Other than that, I'm actually looking forward to university - to delving deeper into my passion for Spanish, to studying abroad, to discovering who I really am.  If things go well with me making friends, I think that college will be quite the enjoyable experience.

Anyway, that's me as of late.  I'll try and keep you better updated in the future.

P.S.  I'M STARTING RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults - aka "That class adults have to take in order to convert to Catholicism") TOMORROW!! :D :D

"Enjoy the Ride" by Landon Smith

Verse 1

Nobody knows

What tomorrow’s gonna bring

Maybe you're worth nothing

And it may leave you everything.

And if the glass is half-empty

At least you have a cup

And don’t count on anyone else

But yourself to fill it up.

Chorus

And some are scared o’ dyin’

And more are afraid to be alive

And some are scared of livin’

Without somebody by their side.

You won’t control your future,

Ask anyone who’s ever tried,

And you may not get where you’re goin’,

So enjoy the ride.

Verse 2

Don’t be afraid to love

And if you think, you’re gonna lose,

‘Cause if you do, it’ll be easier

Next time you have to choose

Between the one that makes you happy

And the one that turns you on

‘Cause if you choose the latter

They won’t be there for long.

Chorus

Verse 3

And your mind, it gets you crazy

When you’re thinkin’ of the self.

Try to use your time

And turn your time into wealth.

‘Cause money solves your problems with a cure

And a ride for the night,

And money buys you everything,

But it won’t buy you life.

Chorus

What I've Learned:

Is that over time, everything changes. Before you know it, your not that little girl anymore, playing
with Barbie Dolls. Your a boycrazy know-it-all teenager. And soon things start to change.
Your best friends turn on you. You make friends who are completley unexpected.
Soon you will find yourself falling for a guy who was a "nerd" growing
up. One day you will look at your best friend compleltely differently.
You will fall in love and then get your heart broken. There
will be times when you feel like crying for no reason, and
you will. But when the doors of life close,new ones
open. I've learned that life is full of unexpected
craziness. And time goes by way too fast.
So embrace every moment. And
make this one shot at life,
the best.