Me 101

First thing to know about me: I'm stubborn.

I'm also secretly approaching agnosticism, if I haven't gotten there already. And I don't want to change that, not right now at least.

Wow, this is the first time I've been able to really talk about this openly. My parents are both die-hard Baptist Christians, my siblings too, and I go to a Baptist church filled almost entirely with sickeningly fake Christians, the kind that cause non-Christians to hate God and the church before they even get a chance to experience it.

And that's not even considering those who've been in the church all their life, like myself. Though, to be truthful, they're not the ones who started this for me. God did this Himself, in my case.

I lost 2 of my best friends within a month or two of each other, both of them ditching me one way or another. It was a very very low and dark time for me, to say the least. It didn't help that this was the time God decided to stab me in the back. I was looking for comfort, for love, for someone to care about me, and He gave me the last verses I ever read. Psalms 88, for the curious ones. Yes, I've opened the Bible since then and read the words on the pages, but they've meant nothing to me since then. God has meant nothing to me since then. I haven't prayed, I prefer to sleep through church when possible. I would skip church entirely, but my good Christian parents would have a fit if I did that. I have no excuse good enough to get out of it either. So I'm stuck in a church that I hate with a God that I dislike.

I do not want to be dissuaded from this, in case you were wondering. Like I said, I'm stubborn, and this is the path I've chosen, for now at least.

This is one of the big parts of my life right now. It feels so good to finally write it all out.

Until next time.