To be completely honest, I don't even know myself right now. I'm 99% sure that I haven't changed though. Just my view on life and the world around me has changed. But, I'm still trying to figure out how.
I know that I don't believe in God (or god, if you so choose) anymore, but I do believe in His (his, etc.) existence. But again, that's just a viewpoint. If you had told the year-ago-me about the today-me, I would've told you I was going to hell. A year ago, I was a die-hard Christian, just like the rest of them.
Well, actually I'm still a little confused about that part too. Yes, I prayed the believer's prayer. I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday. I read my Bible every day. But now, I'm not sure how much of that was sincere. Did I pray that prayer, attend church, and read my Bible all for show?
Unfortunately, I can see this being true. Thus, I'm not sure if I was ever Christian, but I know for a fact that, today, I am not. This point has been included in my present "religious" views.
The incredibly good news is that my boyfriend, Corey, and I have finally come to an understanding about all of this. See, he's still a Christian. Still wants to attend church and talk to God and read the Bible, etc. I'm willing to do all of that, but I will never believe in any of it. Not from my present viewpoint. But, for example, he worries about our future as a couple, potentially (and very possibly) a married couple with children. He wants, and I also want, our children to be raised in a Christian home. For them to go to church and learn about God and become better people for it.
While I do not presently believe in God myself, I do see the character and morals that believing in Him has given me. At the same time, this effect could have come from my parents. Again, not sure. But to make him (Corey) happy and to give our kids a chance to be happy, I do want them to go to church and figure out what they believe. Yes, I want them to find their own religion/beliefs, like I have. If their father is a Baptist Christian and their mother is nonreligious, I think they should have a good chance of learning for themselves. They don't have both parents influencing them one way or the other like Corey and I both have had.
Either way, for our future and for our kids, I am willing to go through the motions. I can go to church every Sunday. I can pray with them at the dinner table. I can participate in whatever family Bible studies we have. And if my kids ask me what I believe, I will not lie to them. And one day, perhaps I will even tell them the whole story of what happened, what became of what happened, and why things are the way they would be then.
Would this be lying to them their entire lives? If so, it's only to protect them. To give them their own choice.
Feedback please: do you think this will work the way I'm saying it? Will they have free choice? Should they have free choice?
Maybe I'll make a post later on a better description of what I believe. We'll see.
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